did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
