Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize