I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
