I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
