and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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