Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
