You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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