My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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