I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
