I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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