She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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