I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
