remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
