the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize