in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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