you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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