I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
