i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
