my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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