i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
