So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
