My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
two words: eviction party
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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