Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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