we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
