I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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