if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
