yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
