You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
