there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
