I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
