For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
