Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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