summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
