ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
