i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
