nut hugger
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
