yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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