Already got asked if we're dating
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
