Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
