R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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