And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
