final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
