she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Damn victory sex feels great
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
