she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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