Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
