So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
