Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
