just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
