found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
