Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
