I wanna bring you to show and tell
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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