I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
