his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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