Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
