Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
