why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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