My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
