I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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