I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
