Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
