im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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