I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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