I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
