Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i dont even know how to be here
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can I color on your dick again?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
