i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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