I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
