life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
