Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
