Just cropdusted the office
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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